Captain’s Blog: Respect For The WorkPlace
The other day I’m sitting at the office, and my buddy Jonny Pellegrino comes over to me and says, “hey dude, let’s commit a crime at work?”
“No!”
The answer should always be no. I have too much respect for the professionalism of a workplace to commit a crime there. 70% of Americans have committed a crime in the United States. On average, the everyday worker spends 8.9 hours at work. I know hearing numbers like that, all you can think is, “it’s impossible not to commit a crime at work,” well don’t do it. When you commit a crime at a place you spend over a third of your day, you not only disrespect the workplace but you enhance your chances of being caught. Here are a couple of examples of why you do not commit crimes at work.
In Pennsylvania, a man was caught on camera burglarizing Veterans Cab Co. wearing a sweatshirt with the name “Josh” stenciled on the back. Turns out it belonged to Joshua Jording, an employee who worked at Veterans Cab Co. First off, who wears a sweatshirt with their name on it? Second, I can only imagine Joshua explaining this story to his friends acting like it wasn’t his fault he got caught. “Bro, it’s not my fault, Josh is my nickname that only you guys call me. They must have some police CSI shit to figure out that Josh was me.”
If you’re going to rob a place you work at, don’t wear a sweatshirt with your name on it, or even a nickname on it, or even a brand on it. Not that I’d ever do this, but if I were to rob a place I work at, let’s say, The Young Israel Synagogue (Snack distribution Coordinator ’10), I wouldn’t wear my “White Lightning” sweatshirt because clearly, they would know that it was me, White Lightning. I’d wear my black sweater with the ski mask and do it on a Thursday night a 1 AM when I know they change over security guards, and I’d cut the power by cutting the red wire that’s in the breaker box on the 2nd floor so there would be no cameras, but that’s just me.
Next up out of Upstate New York is a father and son who were charged with stealing more than $40,000 worth of chicken wings from a restaurant they work at together. They were caught selling the wings to other restaurants. I can see it now, the Oceans 11 montage of this father and son stealing and distributing chicken wings in their greasy aprons. Here's a look at that first scene in the movie where the father finally brings his son into the family business…
INT. SONS ’ BEDROOM. DAY
FATHER sits next to his SON on the bed.
FATHER
Son, it’s time I let you in on the family secret. You know the restaurant I work at; you know the one I got you a job at. Well, at night, I steal chicken wings and sell them on the chicken wing black market.
SON
Dad, have you thought about stealing the steaks too?
FATHER
No, no, no, we’re a chicken wing family. Also, everything we don’t sell, we eat.
END SCENE
Please don’t be like these idiots, don’t commit crimes at work, play it safe and commit them somewhere else. Crime at the workplace does not pay. And Dad, if you are reading this: if you’ve been running a renegade chicken wing operation…I want in. (Cue: Oceans 11 music)
